


That one good story-book

by uddelhexe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Can I acutally write happy Destiel?, Coda, Coda s14ep10-Nihilism, Dealing with what Michael told Sam and Cas inside Dean's head, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Mentioned Sam Winchester, Realisation, Second Chapter possible, What was in that damn book Billy gave Dean?!, Written minutes after watching the ep, divergent to what is in the book in Canon-Verse, mentioned Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 20:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17669402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uddelhexe/pseuds/uddelhexe
Summary: Coda s14ep10-Nihilism / Divergenz from Canon after the epMichael is imprisoned inside Dean’s head and TFW 2.0 is back in the bunker.Dean just got the book from Billy and is told, that this is the one book with a different ending.There are thoughts, there are doubts. But what good can come out of this?Cas and Dean talk about the shit Michael told the angel about why he still is allowed in the bunker.And maybe…





	That one good story-book

**Author's Note:**

> This can be a one shot…or…if there are interested readers…it can have a second chapter added. I have an idea for the story. Two options.  
> I am happy and desperate for feedback on style and language as well as on storyline.  
> Thank you and have fun!
> 
>  
> 
> I watched the ep and I had to write my feelings out.

And just like that Billy was gone.

There was still that banging inside his head. Loud like music in a Disco, but disharmonic and demanding. He still was able to hear Michael scream and shout. His rage sending shivers through his mental system, deep into his soul.

The room around him was quiet, as was the bunker.

The hunters had began to back home. Recovering from the fight and the thought, that Michael was trapped for now. Inside of a human being.

Dean didn’t dwell in the illusion, that they trusted him to hold the archangel forever in there. He knew they would reunite their forces. Search for new ways to fight the monsters Michael had created. Thought they were not on Michael’s speed-dial any more, they still were a threat to any human being and any hunter in the US who was lucky enough to meet them in a case. So the work they had to do was not done.

And the threat of Michael still being alive very aware up to this moment.

Dean would have loved to think. To sit down and rest. Ponder on his possibilities, but after what Billy/Death had told him, every last ounce of energy seemed to have been drained from him.

Dean sat down on his bead, the black thin book still in his hand, it’s cold and supernatural nature weighing heavy on him.

Why did she show him that? Why did she give him this? Why did she drop this weight on the shoulders of a simple human being?

 

Dean was no fool. He had a pretty good idea why Death was so desperate to help him. Sam and Castiel had told him that in the other world, Death was a prisoner of the archangel and his forces. The reapers working for Michael and not being free to only follow the natural order but in cases necessary to mess around with them. Dean was very certain that Billy was in no illusion how Michael would be happy to mess things up like that in this realm too. And to interfere here was just in her best interest to keep the natural order actual in order as good as possible.

A part of Dean, the leader, could totally understand why she was doing this and being in her position he possibly would have done the same to rescue as much as possible.

But how could she lay down all the responsibility for keeping this world alive and without Michael’s destruction in his and his hands alone? He would not talk to anybody about this. Not with Sam and not with Cas.

Especially not with Cas.

This was his decision to make.

His burden.

A burden again and a part of him was desperate to deny that there was no other chance. That Billy simply didn’t look close enough. Oversaw other books with better solutions. But there was none. Deep down he knew that she would have looked for that for there was still a good chance for him, just because he was a Winchester, and they tend to mess things up pretty bad, to refuse taking that road.

Because he simply couldn’t do it.

 

* * *

 

_**Same time: Kitchen** _

 

Cas tried to look at his son assuring and with confidence and all the love he felt for the Nephilim. He knew that Jack felt bad for what he’d done. He already was too much of a Winchester not to.

But Cas had been serious when he’d told Jack that he wasn’t mad at him at all. He was just worried sick. Not only for the life of the young man, but also for his person. All the kindness and love, all the spirit Jack carried inside of him, that all was so precious. Worth to be saved at any cost.

Castiel loved his surrogate son way too much to let him take such great risks to protect him. But like a real Winchester Jack had only worried about others, but not for himself. Had used a big deal of his soul to burn those monsters to ashes to safe his family.

Cas was biased when it came to judge Jack. He was worried, that was true, but at the same time he was kinda proud, that Jack had become such a great and caring and also courageous young man. To be a father truly was a difficult thing. The feelings were able to rip one apart for all the different directions they could go for.

Castiel let his hand linger on Jack’s shoulder for just one more second and then left the kitchen. Jack looked like he could use some space for himself to think. Think of his own life, possibilities and the dangers that came with the spell that kept him alive. Castiel just hoped that the young man would seek for help and company in case he needed someone to clarify or simply to be comforted.

Outside, in the darkness of the corridor Castiel stopped. Because he just had realized, that he needed something too. Someone.

Because there was something in his head, that was beginning to nest there and messing around with his feelings way too much to be ignored. Something that could become dangerous not only for himself, but for his family as well.

A seed that had taken roots though he knew, that it was a foul one.

But it had fallen on fertile ground and the intellectual side of his mind was not able to root it out and throw it away. Like he really should be able to…but simply could not do it.

So he stood there and thought what was best to do. What he was able to do.

One possibility was that he went to the library, or his room and stayed all by himself and let it grow in the shadows of his mind, or…

Well….

Or he could go to the source and try to search for help in gardening inside his mind. In the best hopes that it indeed was a foul weed that he could get rid of.

But could he strain his friend with his own emotions, insecurities and his weak state of mind? Would it be wise to put that on him…even add more load on his shoulders, yet he had enough to fight for himself?

The angel sighed.

Normally he would have headed straight to his room and never talk about it until he was able to deal with it alone, or not at all, but he was different now.

In the past, not being open about such sort of things, always had led to weakness that an enemy could use against them. Because not to trust, not to know where you stand, was dangerous. Even more so because he really fucking cared about where he stood.

And so, against his bad conscience and the voices inside his head that told him to shut the fuck up and not bother others with his dumbshit, he went straight for Dean’s room.

To talk to the source of his misery. To talk to Dean Winchester.

 

* * *

 

The knock at the door was sort of shy. Dean was very sure that it wasn’t Sam knocking, or Cas. Maybe Jack was outside and needed to talk about his stunt. Surely the Nephilim was worried and anxious and Dean prepared to reassure the young man that he was fine and that Michael was locked away safe for the moment and that they would figure out something out like they always do.

But it wasn’t Jack that was pocking his head inside his room. It was Castiel.

_Huh…_

Had he felt that something was amiss? Had he sensed that Dean was freaked out about something that was related to him? That he was afraid? Right about to go crazy any minute about the lack of possibilities for him to safe this whole mess?

“May I come in?” the angel asked tentatively.

Dean tried to relaxe and waved his head in a gesture to offer Cas to come in and maybe sit down: “Sure, Cas.”

Something was off about the angel. He fiddled with his sleeve and looked around as for where to sit. After some strange seconds of huddling himself around in the room, Cas finally sat down on the bed beside Dean with a heavy breath.

Not close enough to touch but to let his nervous energy jump over.

Dean was surprised to see Castiel like that. Surely he had something laying heavy on him, because he rarely acted so nervously. Several times he started to say something but stopped himself, apparently to rethink how to approach the topic he was going for.

“Man, you know it won’t get better if you wait longer. Just let it out, whatever it is. Cause I ain’t get younger, nor do you.” Dean tried to loosen the situation. Cas tried himself in the terrible attempt of a smile but then finally started to talk:

“Dean…I know I shouldn’t be bothered by this at all. Because I know Michael just wanted to mess with our feelings…finding our weaknesses, but…”

Dean had a feeling that Cas would have to talk about this sooner or later.

“Cas, man, if it is about what that dickhead told you about…”

“Please! Please, let me finish, ok? I know that you will tell me that he just searched for something he could use against us, to force a shim of doubt into our relationship, and I really told myself the same. I literally told Jack exactly the same after Michael talked to him about what a burden he is to us and how we do not truly love him. But still…the doubt is still there.”

“Why? Why Cas? Why are you still so receptive for such shit?”

“I think I never really…well I never really lost my doubts, you know? I know you often told me, as did Sam and your mother, how much you see me as family, but maybe I am too weak to accept such kindness after all the mistakes I made. And perhaps I’m not able to believe that someone else could possibly, really forgive me or love me howbeit the terrible failure I feel myself to be still.

I really try my best to improve myself. To make myself worthy of your kindness, but there is still doubt. And what Michael told me, tried to make me believe…it is something that has been actually inside my head for years. I didn’t really need to hear him say that, but that he did it though…it made it more real inside of me.”

“As if your worst fears come true and all you thought was true, despite what we tell you all the time, really is what I feel about you?”

“Yes.”

“You heard what he told Sam about my feelings. You think this is true as well?”

“No.”

“Hm. So only the bad things about you, yes?”

“I know it sounds ridiculous.”

Cas began to tip with his feet on the ground nervously. Dean had a feeling that he was on the wrong path to assure his friend of his fond feelings for him. That he hadn’t forget about all the shit Cas had pulled in the past, but that it simply didn’t matter anymore. Because he was forgiven and loved.

Dean folded his hands in his lap and sighed. What would it be that Cas would need to hear? To be sure that he was loved? That he was family? That he was the frickn’ center of a lot of things in Dean’s life?

He could try, or guess. But there was something else he could do:

“What do you need, Cas? What do you need me to tell you, so that you know I mean it? That this crap in the past is exactly that: crap! It is not what defines you. What defines you is that whatever you did, was done with the best intentions. Was it idiotic? Sure as hell it was. Was it perfidious at some points? Maybe even that. But you never did it for your own benefit. You wanted to save earth, us, me, heaven…

Did you mess up? Of course you did! But does that mean you’re not family? Most definitely not! Look, man, I treated you like shit a lot of times, but I do believe that you are sincere with me when you tell me I’m family to you. That what I see is was I get. You should give me the same chance. I see you for the person you are, and I lo…like you for the person you are. You care, you are loyal to the people you love, you’re not above to grow and evolve.”

Cas simply looked at him, eyes wide.

Had he noticed?

“I don’t know what more to say. I only can hope that you believe me. You know me for so long. Do you really think I’d have you around if it only was out of pity or obligation? Or because I think you can be useful? You really think I’d bother myself with such a burden? With all what’s going on?”

“No?” Castiel tried almost shy. His usually gravel voices sounded so small. Dean could not stand to see him like this. He knew exactly how Cas felt and it made him sick, that he still wasn’t over with such feelings after all these years. All the depression inside of him, the feelings of being worthless. In some points Cas was still broken, as was he himself. Perhaps that was a reason he could understand the angel so well.

It sometimes is easier to fall into depression if it’s the only thing you know how to do. But to become happy is something difficult. Unknown terrain. Promising, but yet terrifying.

Castiel didn’t fear a lot, that Dean knew. But to become happy, to let go and be loved, that seemed to be something that made Castiel anxious. Even more so since he had a son to watch out for and be proud of.

Dean cleared his throat and watched his friend. More than friend. He reached out to touch his shoulder which caused the angel to slightly flinch and stare back.

“You know I ‘m not good at affection stuff. So…don’t tell Sammy, ok?”

“Tell what?”

Dean didn’t give Cas enough time to proceed what was going on and pulled him close into a hug. The angel stiffened at first but when Dean didn’t let go he eventually relaxed into the sensation and let his breath out. The breeze brushed Dean’s ear and hair and he shuddered.

He should let go ad give Cas a manly man clap on the shoulder. But he couldn’t find it in him to do so. He just stayed inside this warm bubble that was Castiel and tried not to think. Cas had no idea what was an appropriate time for a normal hug anyway. He as well could stay like that as it already was hell of a weird moment.

Dean felt a hand touch the hem of his shirt and grasp for it. It only was a weak gesture, tentative and unsecure, but nonetheless it was there.

“I…I might believe you.” Cas whispered.

“You better do. Cause I don’t hug just anyone.”

“Hmm.”

Dean felt warmth crawl into his stomach and his brain.

It was just now that he realized that the knocking his head inside had paused. Was Michael watching him, or couldn’t he see what was going on outside of his cage?

He should not risk it.

He pulled away and placed a short kiss on Cas’ forehead….and stopped moving altogether in shock.

What had he just done?

Had he just kissed his friend?

Like with his lips on his skin?

_What the fuck?_

Cas gaped at him with his mouth open and he really should bring some distance between them…

“You should,…em…probably…” Dean began.

“Yes. I should go. You must be tired and I…I should go.”

Castiel fled the scene with red cheeks and eyes like he had just seen a ghost. Before he could escape the room fully Dean stopped him with a short shout-out:

“I’m sorry!”

The angels paused in the doorframe and without looking back he said:

“Don’t be.”

Then he closed the door behind him and Dean stood there and tried to process what just had happened and what Cas had said.

_Don’t be._

Don’t be?

Don’t. Be.

_Huh._

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is much appreaciated!
> 
> Is there more you would like to read?   
> I can take this the dark road or to an happy end.   
> I take votes if to write a second chapter at all or if this shall remain a one shot.


End file.
